[04/06][分享]英语小笑话

iwanna

1 Only One Eye to Settle On
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"
　　"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on hisside, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with oneeye.
Notes: (1) go-between n.媒人 (2) settle on选定；决定 2A Boy with a Big Head
A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head." 　
　"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautifulhead. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds ofpatotoes." "Where is the shopping bag?" "I haven't got one-use your hat
Notes: shopping bag购物袋
3I'm the Only Driver
A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed. 　
　"Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "
"I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "becauseI'm only driver of the bus. 'm only driver of the bus
4The poor husband"You can't imagine howdifficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to hisfriend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and afterthat she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
5A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
   "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.    "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"   "She is the one who sells the candy."
1一眼就看中 　　姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我？” 　　“怎么没告诉你？”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”
2大头娃娃　　一个小男孩向他母亲哭诉道：“他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。” “别听他们的，”他母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买十斤土豆来。” 　　“购物袋在哪儿？” 　　“没购物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”
3唯有我是司机 　　在一辆满载乘客的公共汽车后面，一位小个子青年在奔跑着。气车仍在高速前进。 　　“停下吧，”一位乘客把头伸出窗子，对小个子喊道，“你追不上的！” 　　“我必须追上，”小个子气喘吁吁地说，“我是司机！”
4可怜的丈夫“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
5好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”“她是个卖糖果的。”